Separation Issues
At Neilsons we understand that going through a separation is upsetting and that having to navigate the legal system on top of that adds to the emotional rollercoaster. Our team are here to take the weight off your shoulders, help you through and ensure the best arrangements for your children are in place.
The Law
Under New Zealand law, there is no presumption in favour of either parent or caregiver having the day-to-day care of the children. The arrangements simply must be what is in the best interests of the children.
There are many factors to take into account when considering what is best for your children, including but not limited to:
Their safety must be protected, particularly from all forms of violence (including hearing or witnessing abuse).
Their care, development and upbringing should be primarily the responsibility of their parents or guardians.
There should be ongoing consultation and co-operation between parents and guardians.
They should have continuity in their care, development and upbringing.
They should continue to have a relationship with both parents, and their relationship with wider family/whānau should be preserved and strengthened.
Their identity (culture, language, religion) should be preserved and strengthened.
If the other parent’s behaviour is impacting on the children’s welfare and best interests, then this is an important consideration when creating care arrangements.
Neilsons’ Top Tips
Always speak positively about the other parent to your children, even though you may be frustrated and angry with them.
Don’t use the children as a messenger between you and your ex-partner.
Don’t attribute blame for the separation in earshot of the children.
Don’t lean on your children, rather understand that it is an adjustment for the children also, and provide them support.
Don’t make decisions in the heat of the moment that you will want to soon change, step away and take some time to think.
Try and make care arrangements simple and easy for your children to remember.
Be flexible so your children don’t miss out on holidays or family events.
Way Forward
We always advise completing a Parenting Through Separation programme which provides invaluable advice on understanding how separation impacts the children, how to keep them away from conflict and how to discuss care arrangements.
If you and your partner can decide on care arrangements yourselves, Neilsons can draft a parenting agreement for you. A written agreement provides certainty.
If you are finding it difficult to finalise an agreement, you can initiate mediation through a Family Dispute Resolution Provider. If mediation is unsuccessful, Neilsons can help. Court proceedings are always a last resort, but we understand they are sometimes needed. There is however a legal requirement that the Parenting Through Separation course must have also been completed first.
If you have concerns about the safety of your children in the other parent’s care and believe they are at risk, court proceedings may be an option. Our team can discuss this with you.
Please call our office to chat about the best way forward for you.
